Kids will be kids: childhood secret

Dear Eva,
When I was young, I used to play games like 'I'll show you mine, you show me yours' and 'Doctor' with neighborhood children. I feel very guilty about this now... What's wrong with me?

As adults, we associate this sort of touching with sexual activity. For children, these are not usually acts of a sexual motivation, but of curiousity. As long as the activities you were engaging in were consensual and non-violent, it was all likely a part of normal childhood sexual development.

The Sibling Sexual Abuse Survivors' Information and Advocacy Network offers a list of behaviours that are considered a normal part of childhood sexual development:
Normal behaviour-
Rubs genitals before falling asleep
Explores differences between boys and girls
Is interested in watching adults go to the bathroom
Plays 'doctor' with other children
Plays house. Plays 'mommy' and 'daddy' roles

On the other hand, there are some scenarios which might be considered abuse, and these could be disturbing enough to have an impact on your adult life.

If you were engaged in sex acts that you feel were not motivated by mutual curiousity towards someone in your age group, if you were rather bullied, forced or shamed into acting on someone else's sexual demands, these experiences might go beyond the range of 'normal' childhood sexual activity.

Childhood sexual abuse doesn't just have to occur when there is a marked difference in age. According to RAINN, it can, and indeed likely should be considered abuse if there is a marked difference in age, size, power, or knowledge.

If you have been coerced or 'talked into' a sex act, examine this closely, as it may be sexual abuse. In the end, you are the only person who can determine if you need to seek help. Situations like these may require the attention of a therapist or counselor. If you are suffering from a lot of guilt, or guilty feelings are disrupting your life, talk to a mental health professional in your community, school, or church.

If you need help and don't know who to talk to, please call the free, 24/7 RAINN Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE or talk to a crisis counselor on their website at http://www.rainn.org/.

- Eva

PS. You might be surprised to know how many other young people feel the way you do. Speak up because I am positive that you are not alone!